we're all to blame/for spending way too much time on ourselves

exasperation.
frustration.
infuriation is an appropriate word.
so is dissapointment.
dissatisfaction.
impatience.

I'm tired of dealing with this. but somehow I feel responsible for the future of my youth group. so I can't leave. everyone else is leaving - I'm all that's left of the core group. the rest is a mess.

maybe it's because I can see the mess and I'm not stuck inside of the whirlpool - that's why I feel responsible. maybe it's because I'm well-rested and not busy so I have a lot of energy, and I'm feeling spiritual and utopian. maybe it's because I really love some of these kids.....good friends of mine at one time and maybe still.....and I want to smack them and point out to them that they're the ones screwing everything up.

but it seems like I'm not the one to do this. however, the people who should be doing it are just sitting there. I don't know who to talk to anymore. do I go to the blind but well-intentioned leadership, or do I attack the heart of the issue with the people whom I know well? or do I sit here and wait it out, and watch from outside as another youth group falls apart? again.
and maybe that's why I hesitate. the last youth group I was in fell apart. messily. and it was about half-way my fault, because I got involved and was immature about it. and then I sat there crying all winter and into the spring wondering what in the world happened. right now I'm watching everyone cry and wonder what happened, and I don't want to be there again. I'm still good friends with all the people involved, and I don't want to seem to be taking sides or attacking anyone. I have the best of intentions but..........
there's rarely a clear path in these situations. I don't know.


I suppose I should wait a little more, talk it through with responsible non-involved people a little more, pray a lot more, and then see what happens.

I just wish it wasn't so complicated, and people weren't so stupid in general. whatever you guys do, please don't make a mess and then sit around feeling sorry for yourselves, ok? I will kill you......

:P teenagers. we know how to be ridiculous, don't we?