hello world

I though, just possibly, you guys might like to know that I'm home. still alive. safe and sound.

and I feel like a completely different person.

it's weird. it feels like such a long, long time since I left. and even though home is the same, and I love it even more than I ever did before, I feel like I've changed so much. I feel older and wiser. I feel ready to take on the world.....as I've probably been for a few months now without knowing it. someone close to me told me this back in July. I felt old at the time, but I was still clinging to teenagehood, and was scared to death at the prospect of growing up or leaving 17 behind.
but I've discovered that I can still be 17 and have fun, but be an adult at the same time. I can live at home as a child but be an adult. and this is the hardest thing to explain.

and I'm wondering, how will this affect my friendships? I really don't know. it's hard to grow up yourself, and it's hard for all your friends to grow up. I think the worst part is that some of us grow up together, when we have experiences together (like paging, or camp hope, or sleepovers when we talk about life till 3:00 AM), but the rest of the time we're growing up seperately. so something is different each time we see each other, and we have to adjust. that's what the true friendships are though - when you keep it together no matter how much we're all changing, and realize that it will stabilize one day, and still honestly love the person in the meantime. even if it's hard. or rather, even when it's hard.

so, let's give this our best shot. I'm apologizing in advance for the changes you guys will see, whether I notice them or not. I hope they're for the better. I hope it's not difficult to pick up where we left off. I hope we can all accept, and even learn to love, this growing up thing. there's a light and a dark side to all of it.
and I hoping and praying so much that I can communicate what I saw, what I did, and what I learned, to everyone who wants to know. that's the hardest part of all - because now it's part of who I am. I have to go back and remember who I was a month ago, and then figure out what circumstances changed me, and then figure out how to communicate that in a way that works and makes sense. thank God for pictures and journals. :P

alright, I'm starting the day, and who knows what exactly it will bring? I'm going to debrief myself a bit, and soon I'll be ready to make a post (or several) about the trip. I'll have some more pics on facebook too, probably today.

I love you all and I really missed you incredibly much! and now to catch up on life in general......