OH MY GOHS IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
getting out of my car this morning felt like tumbling face-first into a snow bank. and the subsequent walk to school kind of felt like burrowing through said snow bank.
however, got to school, was able to get the conference room for my presentation group to practice in (even though it's "not usually for students, but just this once...." skills, right?). we spent about half an hour freaking out about our powerpoint and our class activity and if the lecture was going to work or wasn't.
and of course it all went fine - great, actually. our teacher loved it, the class liked it and was fairly engaged during the activity at the end. and we're SO HAPPY to be done with it. so much stress is gone! just like that.
piano stuff for this weekend is going better. I'm playing like three hours straight, lots of carols and a bunch of background music in between. I've been more or less freaking out about all this music.....practicing about 2-3 hours a day just to have it all ready. I wish I was a better musician and didn't have to work so hard at this stuff.
but it is coming together. I'm not too worried about it. and what was really pushing it over the top is that I'm on worship this weekend too, so I was worried about preparing a lot for that. Roger told me to just take it easy this weekend and he'd play the main piano stuff....so all I have to prep is background keyboard stuff which makes everything a lot easier. He's so sweet. I was like "hey Roger, I'm playing a massive amount of stuff at the Celebration Dinner and I'm kind of freaking out about worship." and he's like "why didn't you tell me that? just take it easy and don't worry about it." *smile*
finished the lousy book I was reading for English, and I just have one more forum and then the final next week. one more day of class for Shakespeare and then our final (which is watching a movie and then discussing it....I love this class). long weekend, day of absolutely nothing on Monday - why do they call it a study day? all that the student population is doing is sleeping in and enjoying the day off....
my month of cooking is now over, for which I'm very thankful (although I miss parts of it). I enjoyed the time in the kitchen, and trying new things, and having them turn out really well (most of the time). But I'm glad that the daily responsibility is gone. it's kind of like school. I've enjoyed this Shakespeare class a lot, but, though I'll miss it, I'm glad that it's over.
we crossed a line somewhere in this class. at the beginning it was just fun. we were talking about love and stuff like that. it was a comedy. we laughed a lot. somewhere in Richard III we got past that, and entered a darker side of stuff. once we were really immersed in Lear, we lost something in comeraderie. I don't know how, or where, but by the time we got to Titus I think all we were left looking at was our own dark selves. no more love. nothing beautiful. just the darkness of human nature and revenge. there was this beginning surge of energy and morbid enjoyment, but now, at the very end of it all, I miss the innocence of the beginning of the class.
I guess it's kind of like a journey we've been on. sort of like the fellowsip, if you know what I mean. at the end of it all, you look at the Shire differently. it's so much more precious and fragile than it ever was. all of life is. but you can't help wishing that you didn't have this enlightenment....that life could just be the innocent, oblivious thing that it was before. because it was easier, and more fun, and things were just beautiful. when something gets tarnished or disfigured or ugly, you wish it hadn't happened that way. something about the longing for childhood we all have when we have to leave it. when you're a kid, you don't realize how wonderful life is. when you grow up, you wish you could go back to the happiness and oblivion and stay there. because you wouldn't have to know what a dark place the world really is.
I don't know if this makes sense or not, and really I guess it doesn't have to. you weren't on the journey, so I can't expect it to make sense completely.
but I'm hoping to give myself a nice large dose of old books, chick flicks and Disney movies over the break, and find the Peter Pan that's hiding out in me. he's been kind of oppressed for a little while, but I think it's almost time to pull him out again.
it's also time to change my calendar to December. *facepalm*
I'm learning to live without you,
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know,
The less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about Forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore
That song at the end strikes all the right chords with me at the moment.
ReplyDelete