i wanna run/i want to hide/i wanna tear down the walls that hold me inside/i wanna reach out/and touch the flame/where the streets have no name

I went to French this afternoon, for the very last time. Sat down next to Cosi and we chatted for a few minutes about our day while Madame came around collecting everyone's cell phones. When she was finally ready to start, she began her opening remark: starting in a low voice, she worked her way up the scale - longer and more drawn out than has been normal - finally summiting at a loud and energetic, "Classe de francais!" At which remark, we students rapped our hands twice on our desks and then clapped once, in unison. So began class.

Because, after over one week of work on l'imparfait tense, the class still cannot correctly conjugate a singe thing, the day's quiz had been moved to friday - to give us more time to practice and study. I brought The Sheltering Sky to class, since I have an assignment on the next 100 pages of this book due tomorrow. Guess I should be working on that now....

anyway, I spend the first 20 minutes reading this, since the rest of the class (except Cosi) was still working on yesterday's handout, trying to finish it. Then I spent another 10 minutes reading it as we reviewed the answers to said handout. After each student struggled through and finally gasped out the close-enough-to-correct answer, we responded to Madame's prompt:

"Applaudi pour Giselle! Un, deux, trois"

*clap, clap, clap*

we're stuck in Kindergarten. somewhere in the last two weeks, I suddenly reversed from my last year of school back to my very first.

But what do I care now? I won't be in class tomorrow for the quiz. Today was my last day.

But now I have to stop beating around the bush. I have to get to the main point of this post, and tell you why I'm dropping French. Well really, the only reason I've stayed in French at all is because Cosi was taking it, and she so looked forward to having one class with me each day. And then after class I would drive her home.

But that's not necessary anymore. Because -

Cosi is going home.

yeah. she's going back to Germany.

so that's basically all I wanted to say. I wanted to find some flowery, not-so-painful way to say it. but I got to the end of French class and couldn't find my transition. so here it is, blunt and plain as day.

it's sad - no, tragic - because we get along so incredibly well. actually, her district coordinater here wouldn't believe that she didn't want to fly home because of trouble with the host family (that would be us). she sees us like her family in Gemany. and it's been such a hard decision, because she doesn't want to leave us.

but it's the school. we've tried everything that's possible, but after everything, it's just not going to work. she's so sad....and we don't want her to be miserable her whole time here just because the American public school is the stupidest thing ever created. so we've tried, but this is the decision that it's had to work out to. unfortunately.

strange as it is though, I think we all feel at peace with the decision. somehow, we know it was the right choice. I'm sad at everything we'll miss doing here together (especially going into the holiday season), but I don't feel regret. I don't feel like this is the absolute end of life as we know it. I'm happy for her, that soon she'll be back with her best friends and her family, in a good school, back in Germany. she'll be really happy again.

and it's not like we'll never see her again. I'll see her in just over a year, when I go to Europe, and I know we'll be chatting and phoning and Skyping and emailing like ALL THE TIME. so really, it's just that we don't get to be together all the time. but we'll still be in touch. always.

the end