sleeping is overrated

so. I know I said I would post on Monday, after my first day of school. but I was literally gone all day on monday, from school to piano, golf, then my LAST 4-H banquet/event EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps for joy* which was very fun, especially considering I made kitty litter cake specially for it.
and then yesterday I was up till 10:00 doing crazy history homework - trying to figure out where the evolution people are coming from 'cause none of it makes sense.

so here I am now, done with school, chores, homework, piano lesson, everything. I think I can really post now.

I feel so old. I honestly feel like I've grown up in the past three days more than in the last year. and it's been a big year for me - going to India again, turning 16, getting my license and driving myself everywhere, moving to a big city, all the "growing up stuff" involved with being this age. but now...there's something about walking to college, all by myself, going to really for-real college, learning these big ideas from these certified professors who are all so different, being on a big campus in a bigger world with such old, old people (you know, 17-70, I'm the youngest either way you slice it), that makes me mold into an older person than I am. I have to be mature. I have to understand big words and use them, too. I have to keep up and not believe myself an exception to the rules. I have to find my own way to classes without getting lost. and I have to learn how school people really act and why it's awkward to sit next to certain people or to talk to other people....and it all depends somehow on what class you're in and who the teacher is....and what you can or can't get away with, and what people expect of you.....

and somehow, in all of this, how to meet all these expectations at once without killing yourself.



after my first three days, though I have to say I love school, I still prefer homeschooling as a teaching style. it works best for me. my family situation is such that it doesn't put a strain on me when I'm at home all the time. my own home and my mom are my "security blankets." leaving them, even to walk 15 minutes away, is like a totally new world - with just enough similarity to confuse me. sometimes I get behind in class and wish the teacher could go at just my rate, like I've been doing at home for the last seven years.

but at the same time, continuing homeschooling rather than running start would probably be more crippling than helpful, for me at this point of my life. I'm so anti-change, so nervous of new things, that when I'm ready for new things I'm usually too afraid to try them. unless somebody makes me, I often miss out on them. and I'm ready for this big new step into a big new world. I need to grow at my own rate as well as learn at my own rate, and sometimes that means moving away from homeschooling and into college, I think.




Monday morning was a rush to get ready and make sure I had everything in time to get to school and find my first class. never mind that my mom and I had walked there twice before - I can get lost just about anywhere, anytime. thankfully, my mom drove me so I didn't have to walk in the freezing morning air on my first day - and it gave me a few more minutes of oh-so-valued sleep. she dropped me off and I chose a path, apparently the right path, that dumped me out right in front of the building I wanted, and I made my way to the class with no difficulty. getting through the door and into that room full of BIG people was a little tougher, and I'm sure I looked like an idiot just standing there making up my mind to do it, but I finally did and slipped into a tiny little seat in the back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest and shortest person in my music theory class. but that doesn't really matter. I'm one of the more advanced, having had six years of piano and being pretty well-versed in theory through all of them. I have a head start on the rest of the class, so it's mostly a sit back, relax, and brainlessly do the assigned stuff sort of class.
oh, and the professor is AMAZING!!!!!! he's funny, lighthearted, and personal, but challenging too, and amazing at teaching. he goes off on rabbit trails and then asks us where he left off. he engages all of us in conversation with him and with each other. it's not so uncomfortable as my other classes. you almost forget how early you got up and how cold it is, and revel in the world of double sharps and whole steps and Beethoven and moveable clefs.


**************************************************

I'm afraid it's gotten very very late so I'll have to cut this short and hopefully finish it tomorrow, after my match. sorry everybody.