My Faults

laid bare. yes, I'm following everyone elses' example and posting my list. so, you all know what's good about me (haha, that's why we're friends), but I don't really need prayer for what I seem to have figured out. SO, without further ado, here's the list:

• I'm the most impatient person I know. Life is one long string of waiting, briefly enjoying, and then moving on to wait for the next cool or terrorizing thing. I never live for the moment, and rarely pause to think that the thing I'm waiting for might never happen, that this moment might actually be the only thing I have left. Life with nothing to wait for? maybe this would be a good thing. it would make me appreciate what I have right now.
• I have a really hard time listening to people. I've caught myself twice in the last two days actually thinking about how I was going to say what I wanted to say next while the person I was "listening" to was trying to tell me something (don't ask me what it was). How lame can I get? How much more selfish can I be? Father forgive me, for I have sinned (and you guys forgive me too, because trust me, this could happen to you)! Actually formulating in my mind what words to use, and counting how many more seconds until I could cut that person off and get my fifteen plus words in. God help me!
• I take so much for granted. I feel like I deserve everything that is a completely merciful and graceful gift to me. I don't actually consider what Jesus sacrificed from his birth as a human all the way to his death, one of the most painful deaths ever invented (by a people who had perfected how to kill someone slowly and painfully), and I don't ever stop to think that I really don't deserve it. That God cannot stand sin, and how it must have felt for Him to look away from His son, for the Son to stand in the gap for me and take every sin I would ever commit upon Himself, just so I, a sinner, could be with Him, forever. and He's never ever going to get tired of me! (could you imagine being with someone besides God forever, and never getting frustrated, annoyed, or bored of being with them? huh, try five minutes with most people!)

Not only this, but every blessing God showers me with, every sacrifice my parents and others make for my comfort and happiness, just so I can stay in my little American bubble without getting bumped around, why do I never even stop to think, stop to thank?

• I pretend to look like I'm actively pursuing God's calling on my life, when really I'm cramming my plate full of things that won't help me prepare for my calling, or furthur His kingdom at all. I spend a great time with Him at church or youth group, He tells me something obvious but amazing (yes my child, did you know that you actually should pull down those Hindi books, actually should be looking at college, at specific ministries?) oh yeah. duh. (yes, God, I will, I will). one week later, repeat last week's conversation. It's all so new every week, what should be so obvious, and yet I keep ignoring it just so I can look devoutly busy (or busily devout) to everyone else, and have a good time right now. (*note, whenever God speaks, it's always like a little voice in my head, my own voice, starting off with "Did it ever occur to you..." and then it's like, duh, of course, but at the same time a brick in my face. what does it sound like to everyone else?)
• When worshipping, I give half my mind to God, and spend the other half thinking about if other people are looking at me, and how I look to them. then here comes another brick wall, and there's God, just begging me to let Him have all of me. so that works for about five minutes...and then back to my neighbor, and that's not really worship at all now is it? why should I have to concentrate on God? I thought it took concentration to think about how others view you, but it comes so naturally to me! another thing is distractions that I seem to actually look for in prayer, etc. HELLO VERYA!!!! God should be your all-time distraction, and you shouldn't be paying any attention to anything else, when you're gazing at the King of the Universe, your Best Friend, and your loving Father all wrapped up in one.
• I'm a very big judger (thank you my dear Quenta Less Miserable Tindomerel, for pointing this out to me, however painful it may be, whether you even realized you pointed it out or not, and making me actually rethink the conclusions I jump to just by looking at people). I don't know very many Perceivers, and variety is an invaluable thing in a group of friends, or else we would never see most of our faults!

thank you all for your patience and prayers. you're all my very best friends, and i can't tell you how much i value the growth we encourage in each other! (how many people actually think to tell each other their faults?! most people try to cover them up, especially around the people they spend the most time with!)