Well, I'm not sure if anyone ever looks here anymore, but I thought I should give a quick update, just in case. I thought about posting occasionally over the last month, but it's too hard to juggle a blog and facebook.....at least, when the whole world is on facebook and only two people look at your blog. :)
I've been crazy happy here with Cosima's family in Germany. It's a little weird how removed I feel from my life back in the states. I remember that last couple of months, every day I was just thinking "get me out of here." Not that I was in a hurry to leave my family or my friends or my church.....actually leaving was super hard. But there were a lot of things I wanted so badly to get away from. Now I am "out of here" and I'm still adjusting to life as my own person. I spent 19 years as a child in a household, and (though it's actually been fairly similar here, to some extent) I'm learning how to be an adult, all on my own. It's strange to realize how many choices a person has to make as they grow up. You really get to decide how you want a lot of things to be, possibly for the rest of your life. You might see your own beliefs and opinions from an outsider's perspective and change the way you think about things. And let me tell you, doing all of this in another country is quite the adventure.
So tomorrow I leave Westerstede, this tiny little town in NW Germany. I'm staying with my dad's cousin and her family (she's American actually, and really sweet) in Hamburg until Saturday, when I take an overnight bus to Paris. Then I'm really truly on my own.
One of the most interesting things for me so far has been just this idea of how I relate to my parents, while I'm transitioning from child to adult. I mean, I will always be their child, and already to some extent my parents are my friends. But it's far more exaggerated now....my parents don't (and really can't) tell me what to do anymore. While I'll always respect and love them, the time for such authority is over. They've raised me all the way up to womanhood and in most respects they aren't responsible for me or my actions anymore. So now we redefine our relationship, which - I've been told - will probably take years. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm glad my parents and I have a really good relationship already and always have. But I imagine there will still be many bumps in the road and, well......growing up is just tough.
It's interesting - as I said, I've been very happy here. But in so many ways I'm ready to move on. Even here I am very much part of a family, and I think it's necessary for me to be on my own for awhile. I can't really explain it, but somehow I think I have things to learn between just me and God. I get really distracted within a family. Not that I want to always be away from family - by no means! Just a temporary hiatus while I'm figuring out whatever it is I need to figure out.
And beyond that, the truth is I really enjoy travelling alone. I'm one of those weird people who could spend five times longer at a museum than most "normal" people (cough-homeschooler-cough). Sometimes I just want to walk through the garden or sit and journal. I eat at weird times of the day. I want to listen to every track on the audioguide. I get ridiculously excited about Gothic cathedrals. So when I'm in a group, either everyone else is bored or I'm disappointed. Not that I don't have so many opportunities of enjoying myself.......let's just say that travel is always good, but for me it becomes truly great when I'm going solo.
I've been a month in Germany. Although my main motive in being here at all was simply to spend time with Cosi's family, I've seen some of the country and it's been really lovely. I guess when you come back to your roots, no matter how distant those roots are, it feels a bit like coming home. I got to go to Braunschweig and stand places where my ancestors may have stood. I went to the port that my great-great-great-grandfather and grandmother left from, when they came to America, and today went to an emmigration museum at the last port in Germany they would have stopped at. We found their records and I got to see a picture of the ship they sailed on. In this sense, my stay in Germany has been kind of like finding an alternate home.
And I have to say, I'm very excited to be with my dad's family in Hamburg. His cousin Jen grew up in Kent, somehow married an Iranian and ended up in Hamburg, them and their two little ones. She teaches English and I think he's an elementary school teacher. And I've travelled just enough to know that, no matter how much you love the foreign and exotic, there's nothing like finding an expat and talking about home. And it's like twenty times better when the expat is family.
Especially the Braunschweig family, haha. My dad's family may be crazy, and stubborn, and occasionally rather stupid, but they love each other to death and any family member or friend of the family may as well be a brother or sister, even if you've never met them before. Even though I'm not very close with a lot of my relatives on that side (and many I've never even met, or don't remember.....they just know me as "Mark's daughter"), any time I'm with them it's always like coming home. I guess I just really appreciate a family that doesn't stand on ceremony when it's completely unnecessary, and loves people just because they are people and innately need it - like Jesus did.
Anyway, new subject. I'm going to try and write on here every now and then - maybe just when I leave a country, as I'm about to do with Germany. Write about my thoughts and experiences and what's going on inside me. What I'm learning. What's hard. What I like and what I miss.
Until then - tschüss!
March 26, 2011
vagabonds and troubadors/built this city on punk rock cores/and I for one cannot ignore the facts
I leave in exactly one week. Actually, it's almost less than that now - exactly one week from right now I will be on an airplane, flying east across our beautiful country and headed to Europe, as I've been planning for over two years now.
It's kind of weird how little my emotions are swirling right now. I'm not intensely excited (don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited, but it's not an active, bouncing-off-the-walls kind of excitement). I'm also not scared, though many people have told me I should be. I'm only a little bit nervous, just for a few unknown things, like some travel details and banking stuff I've never done before....but that's only if problems come up and things don't go as planned (which probably will happen). I would say that this week my dominant emotion is melancholy, as I'm saying goodbye to the people and places (but especially the people) who have been my entire life since I started turning into an adult. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that my entire life and world is going to change overnight, and will never really be the same again.
Today was my last day of work at Menchie's. I'm done with school, and other than one last day of teaching piano, I'm done with work too. The next school I go to will be Bethany College of Missions in MN, the next job I hold won't start for over a year, when I move to Portland next summer. Have I mentioned Portland yet? I'm planning to head there after BCOM, work full-time for a year and try to become an Oregon resident so I can pay in-state tuition at Portland State University, where I want to finish my BA. God-willing, of course. I was in Portland with my family down there last weekend and they are all really excited about the idea, as are the people at Village Baptist Church (the church my mom and I went to India with). I'm hoping God doesn't close the door on this one, because I love the idea of living down there for a few years. Plus it's only three hours away from here.
Anyway. Life is starting to change for me right now. Even though I have about a billion things to take care of before I can step onto the airplane, I still have tons of free time and I don't quite know what to do with it yet. I realized today that I have trouble reading for pleasure - I have only been able to read textbooks (or Europe guidebooks) since the beginning of the schoolyear. So I think I may force myself to read a bit - for fun - before I go to bed tonight. I have to get over the feeling that there are more important things to do....right now I still feel guilty when I'm not constantly busy checking off items on a list, and that's not a good way to live life. I'm tired of being busy and stressed.
Also before bed, I'm gonna go through part of my room. Since I'm moving out soon, my parents and I talked and I'm going to box up and/or get rid of a lot of my stuff, so if they want to do something else with my room they can. Honestly, this is like the weirdest thing ever. I think it's perfectly right that they have the option and the space to do something else with my room if they have an idea, because I won't be living in it again - if I am it'll only be a few weeks at a time, or maybe part of the summer. But I think it's just the idea that my room won't truly be my room anymore that is so disconcerting.
I suppose that what I am still trying to bring into focus in my mind is the idea that in one week's time I will be a sort of vagabond. For four months straight I'm living out of a backpack. After that I come home for a couple of weeks, then I'm living out of some suitcases in a dorm room with one or two people I don't know yet. It's intensely exciting, but also vaguely terrifying in its ambiguity. In Portland (if Portland ends up materializing) I'll be somewhat settled, but it's still not home. After that, only God knows what will end up happening, where this vagabond will be off to next.
I've been telling myself and some very close people that this - Seattle, my parents, my house here, my dear friends and church family - will always be home to me. When I come "back home," I'm always coming back here, where my roots are. While I honestly think that will remain true for me and it's not a bad thing, I think part of me is scared of the idea of "home" becoming somewhere else. Or what's even worse: home being fluid. I have NEVER liked change, even in small degrees, and the change of one's home is perhaps the largest and most disconcerting type. For some people I think it's very necessary and they are fully ready to embrace it when it comes. But I guess I'm most like Beth from Little Women in this sense......I'm very rooted and very attached here, and I've reached the point where if God had other plans for me I would very gladly stay right here my entire life. But as I've learned the past couple of years, life - and God's plan, being the blueprint of life - is very seldom about our personal happiness or fulfillment, or even our personal comfort. These are blessings we get to enjoy while they surround us, but we cannot expect them, and I don't think it's right to seek them out - if the seeking of them interferes with God's plan. I am so thankful that I get to spend eternity with the majority of my loved ones here, because I don't believe I get to spend much of this earthly life with them. But then again, I don't presume to anticipate God's plan.
It's getting late and I've got a fair bit mapped out for myself this evening, so I'll wrap up now. I'll post again before I leave, and depending on where and when I have internet access, I'll try and keep up in Europe as well. :)
It's kind of weird how little my emotions are swirling right now. I'm not intensely excited (don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited, but it's not an active, bouncing-off-the-walls kind of excitement). I'm also not scared, though many people have told me I should be. I'm only a little bit nervous, just for a few unknown things, like some travel details and banking stuff I've never done before....but that's only if problems come up and things don't go as planned (which probably will happen). I would say that this week my dominant emotion is melancholy, as I'm saying goodbye to the people and places (but especially the people) who have been my entire life since I started turning into an adult. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that my entire life and world is going to change overnight, and will never really be the same again.
Today was my last day of work at Menchie's. I'm done with school, and other than one last day of teaching piano, I'm done with work too. The next school I go to will be Bethany College of Missions in MN, the next job I hold won't start for over a year, when I move to Portland next summer. Have I mentioned Portland yet? I'm planning to head there after BCOM, work full-time for a year and try to become an Oregon resident so I can pay in-state tuition at Portland State University, where I want to finish my BA. God-willing, of course. I was in Portland with my family down there last weekend and they are all really excited about the idea, as are the people at Village Baptist Church (the church my mom and I went to India with). I'm hoping God doesn't close the door on this one, because I love the idea of living down there for a few years. Plus it's only three hours away from here.
Anyway. Life is starting to change for me right now. Even though I have about a billion things to take care of before I can step onto the airplane, I still have tons of free time and I don't quite know what to do with it yet. I realized today that I have trouble reading for pleasure - I have only been able to read textbooks (or Europe guidebooks) since the beginning of the schoolyear. So I think I may force myself to read a bit - for fun - before I go to bed tonight. I have to get over the feeling that there are more important things to do....right now I still feel guilty when I'm not constantly busy checking off items on a list, and that's not a good way to live life. I'm tired of being busy and stressed.
Also before bed, I'm gonna go through part of my room. Since I'm moving out soon, my parents and I talked and I'm going to box up and/or get rid of a lot of my stuff, so if they want to do something else with my room they can. Honestly, this is like the weirdest thing ever. I think it's perfectly right that they have the option and the space to do something else with my room if they have an idea, because I won't be living in it again - if I am it'll only be a few weeks at a time, or maybe part of the summer. But I think it's just the idea that my room won't truly be my room anymore that is so disconcerting.
I suppose that what I am still trying to bring into focus in my mind is the idea that in one week's time I will be a sort of vagabond. For four months straight I'm living out of a backpack. After that I come home for a couple of weeks, then I'm living out of some suitcases in a dorm room with one or two people I don't know yet. It's intensely exciting, but also vaguely terrifying in its ambiguity. In Portland (if Portland ends up materializing) I'll be somewhat settled, but it's still not home. After that, only God knows what will end up happening, where this vagabond will be off to next.
I've been telling myself and some very close people that this - Seattle, my parents, my house here, my dear friends and church family - will always be home to me. When I come "back home," I'm always coming back here, where my roots are. While I honestly think that will remain true for me and it's not a bad thing, I think part of me is scared of the idea of "home" becoming somewhere else. Or what's even worse: home being fluid. I have NEVER liked change, even in small degrees, and the change of one's home is perhaps the largest and most disconcerting type. For some people I think it's very necessary and they are fully ready to embrace it when it comes. But I guess I'm most like Beth from Little Women in this sense......I'm very rooted and very attached here, and I've reached the point where if God had other plans for me I would very gladly stay right here my entire life. But as I've learned the past couple of years, life - and God's plan, being the blueprint of life - is very seldom about our personal happiness or fulfillment, or even our personal comfort. These are blessings we get to enjoy while they surround us, but we cannot expect them, and I don't think it's right to seek them out - if the seeking of them interferes with God's plan. I am so thankful that I get to spend eternity with the majority of my loved ones here, because I don't believe I get to spend much of this earthly life with them. But then again, I don't presume to anticipate God's plan.
It's getting late and I've got a fair bit mapped out for myself this evening, so I'll wrap up now. I'll post again before I leave, and depending on where and when I have internet access, I'll try and keep up in Europe as well. :)
February 24, 2011
take my hand let's walk awhile together/holding hands won't make it last forever
here I am, procrastinating the last tiny bit of homework, too comfortable under my mountain of blankets to make dinner even though I'm starving, updating this blog that practically nobody reads anymore (the "practically" is for you, Katie!).
I can't believe the end of school is only three weeks away. In two weeks I'll be spending my last weekend with my amazing worship team family. In three weeks I'll be getting ready to head down to Portland for the last time in a long time. In four weeks I'll be having a going-away party and fretting about packing. In five weeks I'll be getting on a plane and going far away for the whole summer. And my life will be changing, drastically, overnight.
I really can't fool myself anymore - this is all actually happening, and as excited as I am, it's all a little scary, and really rather melancholy. This is my home; I love the northwest, and I love my family, and I love my friends, and my church more than almost anything. I'm leaving so much, and sometimes in my head I wonder what it's for. Adventure? The things I've dreamed of seeing since I was little. And then college, less than six months away (application almost done and scholarships begun).....and MN is so freaking far away, and sooooo cold. And I know this is where God wants me, but it's hard to follow, no matter how exciting it seems, because it's so unknown. I am comfortable with the known, like anyone, but I am also just so happy here, and so surrounded and enveloped in love, that I never want to leave.
But that's not really my choice to make. Not if I choose to recognize my Creator and my Savior as my Lord. We are all so comfortable having a savior, and mostly comfortable with having a creator, but few people really live like they have a lord. I'm so grateful for the people in my life who do live that way, or I would be so lost right now.
Last weekend I was on worship, and it was a beautiful weekend with my "family" at church. It's amazing to me, how close we have all grown to each other in the past two years. We ordered pizza from our usual after-service hangout but instead of going there spent Saturday evening at Jo and Chad's house, which is near the church. We were thinking about watching a recorded seminar of this guy who works with worship teams and live performing groups around the country, but somehow we just ended up spending the whole night talking and just being with each other. Talking about me leaving so soon, Roger (the team leader) realized, or rather - let it sink in for the first time - that I am actually leaving, that I actually will only be playing with the team one more time before I leave. And after a couple of minutes I looked over at him and realized that he was crying, so I grabbed his hand and we just sat that way for so many minutes.
This is the melancholy of my leaving. This is all the heartache, when I see my mom or Roger crying while it's sinking in, or the denial that's still in some of my friends' faces. When I get an email signed with love from someone who means it deeply, and that look people get when they say "we should do .........before you leave." Those three little words, "before you leave," so loaded with poignancy now, now that leaving is actually a real, impending action, and not just some idea for the future.
I really don't want it to sounds like I'm miserable here. I'm not. But this week, especially yesterday, has been very emotional for me as I realize just what I'm getting myself into, how little time there is left, and how this road I've chosen may be a lot more hard and less fun than I had imagined, once-upon-a-time.
I used to think it was hardest knowing that some of my friends wouldn't last through my childhood, and I'd wonder which ones I'd still be friends with as an adult - you know, who I'd want in my wedding and stuff like that. But now I am an adult, and I know that these people who are like family to me will always be that, we will always love each other, even if I'm on the other side of the world. But I think it's even harder knowing that I'll have to be away from these people, that separation will hurt like hell, because it means that we are close to each other in ways that I think only God's children seeking God's will can be.
Thankfully, God is the one in control here, and His plan includes His children in all of eternity together. But this tiny fragment of eternity can seem so long and so dark sometimes.
"We are blessed to have family like friends....and friends like family."
I can't believe the end of school is only three weeks away. In two weeks I'll be spending my last weekend with my amazing worship team family. In three weeks I'll be getting ready to head down to Portland for the last time in a long time. In four weeks I'll be having a going-away party and fretting about packing. In five weeks I'll be getting on a plane and going far away for the whole summer. And my life will be changing, drastically, overnight.
I really can't fool myself anymore - this is all actually happening, and as excited as I am, it's all a little scary, and really rather melancholy. This is my home; I love the northwest, and I love my family, and I love my friends, and my church more than almost anything. I'm leaving so much, and sometimes in my head I wonder what it's for. Adventure? The things I've dreamed of seeing since I was little. And then college, less than six months away (application almost done and scholarships begun).....and MN is so freaking far away, and sooooo cold. And I know this is where God wants me, but it's hard to follow, no matter how exciting it seems, because it's so unknown. I am comfortable with the known, like anyone, but I am also just so happy here, and so surrounded and enveloped in love, that I never want to leave.
But that's not really my choice to make. Not if I choose to recognize my Creator and my Savior as my Lord. We are all so comfortable having a savior, and mostly comfortable with having a creator, but few people really live like they have a lord. I'm so grateful for the people in my life who do live that way, or I would be so lost right now.
Last weekend I was on worship, and it was a beautiful weekend with my "family" at church. It's amazing to me, how close we have all grown to each other in the past two years. We ordered pizza from our usual after-service hangout but instead of going there spent Saturday evening at Jo and Chad's house, which is near the church. We were thinking about watching a recorded seminar of this guy who works with worship teams and live performing groups around the country, but somehow we just ended up spending the whole night talking and just being with each other. Talking about me leaving so soon, Roger (the team leader) realized, or rather - let it sink in for the first time - that I am actually leaving, that I actually will only be playing with the team one more time before I leave. And after a couple of minutes I looked over at him and realized that he was crying, so I grabbed his hand and we just sat that way for so many minutes.
This is the melancholy of my leaving. This is all the heartache, when I see my mom or Roger crying while it's sinking in, or the denial that's still in some of my friends' faces. When I get an email signed with love from someone who means it deeply, and that look people get when they say "we should do .........before you leave." Those three little words, "before you leave," so loaded with poignancy now, now that leaving is actually a real, impending action, and not just some idea for the future.
I really don't want it to sounds like I'm miserable here. I'm not. But this week, especially yesterday, has been very emotional for me as I realize just what I'm getting myself into, how little time there is left, and how this road I've chosen may be a lot more hard and less fun than I had imagined, once-upon-a-time.
I used to think it was hardest knowing that some of my friends wouldn't last through my childhood, and I'd wonder which ones I'd still be friends with as an adult - you know, who I'd want in my wedding and stuff like that. But now I am an adult, and I know that these people who are like family to me will always be that, we will always love each other, even if I'm on the other side of the world. But I think it's even harder knowing that I'll have to be away from these people, that separation will hurt like hell, because it means that we are close to each other in ways that I think only God's children seeking God's will can be.
Thankfully, God is the one in control here, and His plan includes His children in all of eternity together. But this tiny fragment of eternity can seem so long and so dark sometimes.
"We are blessed to have family like friends....and friends like family."
February 6, 2011
if music is just about the lyrics, then music is basically just propoganda.
"We are not primarily human beings having a spiritual experience; we are primarily spiritual beings having a human experience."
there are a few main reasons I'm not on here much anymore. the first is that I've been incredibly busy - as always. I'm working over 20 hours a week, putting the finishing touches on a trip to Europe that's beginning in (yikes) less than two months, and trying oh-so-hard to make it through school and finish my AA. thankfully I'm not nearly as stressed as last quarter, but each day as I realize how close my trip is, life is a little more emotional. I've been planning this thing for so long that it's really hard to realize that it's actually happening.
another reason I'm not on much is because no one else is on much either. not that I'm complaining; we all have our seasons and the blogging "season" is somewhat past. I still keep it as an outlet, but I don't expect many are reading now. but I suppose that's alright.
life flows along, as it always does. one of my managers at Menchie's quit today, which is going to cause some major ripples. but I'm trying not to think about it until tomorrow. I have a feeling my hours may go up a bit the next several weeks though, as everyone shuffles to fill the 40 hours a week that she worked. I'm really thankful that I'm just an employee, and one who is planning to quit myself next month, so I don't have to deal with my ridiculous boss much longer. until that time, I'm thankful that I mostly enjoy my job.
I only have two more rotations with my worship team before I leave. up until last week, I was just denying it and not thinking about it. but now I'm trying to soak up every moment and enjoy this last little bit of time with each one I love so much. it's too hard to describe how I feel about my team, so I won't really try, but suffice it to say that the last two years it's like I've been raised by an amazing group of uncles, aunts, surrogate dads, and just very dear friends, right alongside my own parents. I will certainly miss each one of them as much as my own family.
I'm still addicted to Michael Gungor. I'm dead serious here: if you have not yet gone to youtube and listened to anything from his Beautiful Things album, DO IT RIGHT NOW.
the only other remotely big news is that I'm looking at my future a little more - I mean like, after Europe and after missions college. my mom suggested that I take a year off to save for the next school adventure (most likely undergrad school for my BA in teaching English as a foreign language). I'm pretty sure I will be taking a year off to work (unless a rich relative dies in the meantime and leaves me their fortune). For school, I'm seriously looking at Portland State University - and I've promised everyone here that I won't go farther away than Portland if I am indeed doing two more years of school after BCOM. but this particular degree is a little more specialized, so I'm looking at WA and OR to see what my choices are for schools, and right now Portland State is shining pretty brightly.
The only catch is the price. Out-of-state tuition = $22,000. per year. so, times 2.
However, I'm considering moving in with my relatives down there for the year that I take off. If you live in OR for a year before classes start, you're considered an in-state resident. And since in-state tuition is $7000 a year, it's looking like a pretty sweet option. Plus, Portland in general is awesome, and still comparatively really close to home.
anywho. I ought to be doing homework right now as it is, so I will leave you (whoever you may be anymore) with that, and go be responsible. It is nearly the beginning of another week, after all.
there are a few main reasons I'm not on here much anymore. the first is that I've been incredibly busy - as always. I'm working over 20 hours a week, putting the finishing touches on a trip to Europe that's beginning in (yikes) less than two months, and trying oh-so-hard to make it through school and finish my AA. thankfully I'm not nearly as stressed as last quarter, but each day as I realize how close my trip is, life is a little more emotional. I've been planning this thing for so long that it's really hard to realize that it's actually happening.
another reason I'm not on much is because no one else is on much either. not that I'm complaining; we all have our seasons and the blogging "season" is somewhat past. I still keep it as an outlet, but I don't expect many are reading now. but I suppose that's alright.
life flows along, as it always does. one of my managers at Menchie's quit today, which is going to cause some major ripples. but I'm trying not to think about it until tomorrow. I have a feeling my hours may go up a bit the next several weeks though, as everyone shuffles to fill the 40 hours a week that she worked. I'm really thankful that I'm just an employee, and one who is planning to quit myself next month, so I don't have to deal with my ridiculous boss much longer. until that time, I'm thankful that I mostly enjoy my job.
I only have two more rotations with my worship team before I leave. up until last week, I was just denying it and not thinking about it. but now I'm trying to soak up every moment and enjoy this last little bit of time with each one I love so much. it's too hard to describe how I feel about my team, so I won't really try, but suffice it to say that the last two years it's like I've been raised by an amazing group of uncles, aunts, surrogate dads, and just very dear friends, right alongside my own parents. I will certainly miss each one of them as much as my own family.
I'm still addicted to Michael Gungor. I'm dead serious here: if you have not yet gone to youtube and listened to anything from his Beautiful Things album, DO IT RIGHT NOW.
the only other remotely big news is that I'm looking at my future a little more - I mean like, after Europe and after missions college. my mom suggested that I take a year off to save for the next school adventure (most likely undergrad school for my BA in teaching English as a foreign language). I'm pretty sure I will be taking a year off to work (unless a rich relative dies in the meantime and leaves me their fortune). For school, I'm seriously looking at Portland State University - and I've promised everyone here that I won't go farther away than Portland if I am indeed doing two more years of school after BCOM. but this particular degree is a little more specialized, so I'm looking at WA and OR to see what my choices are for schools, and right now Portland State is shining pretty brightly.
The only catch is the price. Out-of-state tuition = $22,000. per year. so, times 2.
However, I'm considering moving in with my relatives down there for the year that I take off. If you live in OR for a year before classes start, you're considered an in-state resident. And since in-state tuition is $7000 a year, it's looking like a pretty sweet option. Plus, Portland in general is awesome, and still comparatively really close to home.
anywho. I ought to be doing homework right now as it is, so I will leave you (whoever you may be anymore) with that, and go be responsible. It is nearly the beginning of another week, after all.
January 15, 2011
all around/hope is springing up from this old ground/out of chaos life is being found/in me
1) Mitchell bought me a blood orange. I am a happy girl.
2) I can't believe I haven't posted in over a month. Craziness. Life has been intense and my emotions haven't been swirling as much as normal, so those factors probably have something to do with it.
3) I am more or less addicted to Michael Gungor right now. If you don't know who he is, drop whatever you are doing and go to youtube and listen to Beautiful Things and then anything else from that album.
I first heard about Michael Gungor the year he wrote Friend of God, way back when - I probably wasn't even in my teens yet. It was also the first year I went to the Christian Musicians Summit, where he was doing one of the concerts. By November (when CMS takes place), Friend of God (which is actually really a good song) had been so overplayed both on the radio and in my church, that I was completely sick of it. Plus I didn't like Michael Gungor's name. Anyway, I didn't like the guy.
That's all I remember about him before this past November.
I went back to CMS this year and he was one of the artists again. Through the total abstinence principle I managed to get over my animosity, and just felt overall neutrality toward him. While picking out which workshops I wanted to attend, one called the Theology of Creativity caught my eye. When I realized that he was the speaker, I almost didn't go, but decided to go anyway. And I'm super glad I did, because he is a phenomenal speaker and his lecture that day has changed the way I perceive God, and still is a little at a time the more I think about it. I put some of my notes up from it once, and maybe I'll put more of them up late. I've processed a bit more now.
At the end of the workshop, someone asked him to sing his new(ish) song Beautiful Things. It's a completely lovely song, which I ended up singing to myself the whole day. They played it again at their concert that night.
Which is another funny thing - they had some major sound issues at their concert, and honestly it didn't really go that well. And some of their music is...well...quirky. Not remotely mainstream Christian music. A little out there and obscure. The audience really wasn't getting into it, so it was a little awkward. But I was intrigued and since then have come to really love their stuff.
And as a random side-note, I realized yesterday that Gungor also played at Acquire the Fire the year I went, when I was like 14. And I REALLY liked them that time (for some strange reason I guess they didn't play Friend of God) but I didn't know who they were and I couldn't figure it out. They were still a fairly obscure little band....youth conference and all that. I just remember really liking their song I Will Never Stop, and not being able to find out later on who did it. Four years later, mystery solved. :P
Today I was poking around on Michael Gungor's website and stumbled across his blog, which is pretty fantastic (and reminded me that I probably should revive this thing too). I just wanted to share an excerpt from a post I was reading, which is about some realizations Michael came to on a spiritual retreat in Italy.
"Christianity is supposed to be this beautiful experience of Word becoming flesh. It's not simply about believing certain doctrines. Our doctrine, which is beautiful and good, is that somehow that ultimate Reality took on skin and was nailed to a cross and rose from the dead. That Reality is Love, and it is bigger and stonger than death and entropy. This is all beautiful and it is all mystery, but we experience this Reality primarily in a relational knowing rather than simply in a cognitive or philosophical one. This sort of relational understanding of Reality lets us experience our faith on a different level than a system of thoughts over and against someone else's system of thoughts. It actually changes the way we live and move and have our being in the world.
"I think that this is what true faith should be like. I believe that this is why James says that pure religion is to look after widows and orphans and to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world. Faith in God is not supposed to be primarily cognitive, it's supposed to be an entirely different way of living.
"Most people don't primarily 'understand' music. You listen to it. You play it. You dance to it. You sing. I've studied a lot of music theory, but I don't fully experience music when I think about scales and modes and 12 tone rows...I experience music most fully when I engage with it. What I experienced in Assisi was that God is not something primarily to be believed in or not believed in. Instead, He is the Reality of the universe that is to be experienced.
"Lesson 1: Taste and see that the Lord is good."
2) I can't believe I haven't posted in over a month. Craziness. Life has been intense and my emotions haven't been swirling as much as normal, so those factors probably have something to do with it.
3) I am more or less addicted to Michael Gungor right now. If you don't know who he is, drop whatever you are doing and go to youtube and listen to Beautiful Things and then anything else from that album.
I first heard about Michael Gungor the year he wrote Friend of God, way back when - I probably wasn't even in my teens yet. It was also the first year I went to the Christian Musicians Summit, where he was doing one of the concerts. By November (when CMS takes place), Friend of God (which is actually really a good song) had been so overplayed both on the radio and in my church, that I was completely sick of it. Plus I didn't like Michael Gungor's name. Anyway, I didn't like the guy.
That's all I remember about him before this past November.
I went back to CMS this year and he was one of the artists again. Through the total abstinence principle I managed to get over my animosity, and just felt overall neutrality toward him. While picking out which workshops I wanted to attend, one called the Theology of Creativity caught my eye. When I realized that he was the speaker, I almost didn't go, but decided to go anyway. And I'm super glad I did, because he is a phenomenal speaker and his lecture that day has changed the way I perceive God, and still is a little at a time the more I think about it. I put some of my notes up from it once, and maybe I'll put more of them up late. I've processed a bit more now.
At the end of the workshop, someone asked him to sing his new(ish) song Beautiful Things. It's a completely lovely song, which I ended up singing to myself the whole day. They played it again at their concert that night.
Which is another funny thing - they had some major sound issues at their concert, and honestly it didn't really go that well. And some of their music is...well...quirky. Not remotely mainstream Christian music. A little out there and obscure. The audience really wasn't getting into it, so it was a little awkward. But I was intrigued and since then have come to really love their stuff.
And as a random side-note, I realized yesterday that Gungor also played at Acquire the Fire the year I went, when I was like 14. And I REALLY liked them that time (for some strange reason I guess they didn't play Friend of God) but I didn't know who they were and I couldn't figure it out. They were still a fairly obscure little band....youth conference and all that. I just remember really liking their song I Will Never Stop, and not being able to find out later on who did it. Four years later, mystery solved. :P
Today I was poking around on Michael Gungor's website and stumbled across his blog, which is pretty fantastic (and reminded me that I probably should revive this thing too). I just wanted to share an excerpt from a post I was reading, which is about some realizations Michael came to on a spiritual retreat in Italy.
"Christianity is supposed to be this beautiful experience of Word becoming flesh. It's not simply about believing certain doctrines. Our doctrine, which is beautiful and good, is that somehow that ultimate Reality took on skin and was nailed to a cross and rose from the dead. That Reality is Love, and it is bigger and stonger than death and entropy. This is all beautiful and it is all mystery, but we experience this Reality primarily in a relational knowing rather than simply in a cognitive or philosophical one. This sort of relational understanding of Reality lets us experience our faith on a different level than a system of thoughts over and against someone else's system of thoughts. It actually changes the way we live and move and have our being in the world.
"I think that this is what true faith should be like. I believe that this is why James says that pure religion is to look after widows and orphans and to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world. Faith in God is not supposed to be primarily cognitive, it's supposed to be an entirely different way of living.
"Most people don't primarily 'understand' music. You listen to it. You play it. You dance to it. You sing. I've studied a lot of music theory, but I don't fully experience music when I think about scales and modes and 12 tone rows...I experience music most fully when I engage with it. What I experienced in Assisi was that God is not something primarily to be believed in or not believed in. Instead, He is the Reality of the universe that is to be experienced.
"Lesson 1: Taste and see that the Lord is good."
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