and this is what makes me a circus clown

I'm in the process of skipping school, right now.
see, yesterday there was this Spanish guitar concert at school, and us music students got extra credit for going. and today the guy is going to be in our class teaching a master class to the guitar players.
well I don't really play guitar....and music is my 8:00 class.
so I'm skipping.

and last night, I had to decide if I wanted and extra hour of sleep or an extra hour of study time.
I could use two more hours of both.
mid-terms are next week in history.
so I went half-and-half.

here I am, juggling my time like a very tired and somewhat stressed-out circus clown.

something that would rank as a most embarrassing moment:

getting the hiccups during a moment of silence.

in a single glance/where it all enchants/and every hope is worth saving

nothing in this world makes me smile like....

Nicholas Nickleby. Smike is the most adorable person ever, Nicholas is the ideal brother. the Crummleses are just hilarious in themselves. but even underneath the surface, just looking at the merits, there's a feeling behind it all that makes you want to cry and smile through your tears at the same time. that must be Dickens.

my friend Mike. but really...you just have to meet him to understand that. he can always make me laugh when I need it, no exceptions.

the change of the seasons. there's a tree in our backyard that's unlike anything we ever had at home. when we moved here it was just an ordinary, rather small, maple tree. now it's a blaze of red and orange like a Hawaiian sunset, announcing autumn's arrival. I miss our old property so much sometimes, but I'm finding things here that are amazing too, in a different, suburban sort of way.

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! family, friends, the taste of snow on the air....Christmas carols and hot chocolate in front of the fire, curled up in a blanket. our Christmas tree itself with so many memories. Christmas shopping, secret Santas, those stories you never heard before, the promise of peace on earth and goodwill toward men for one day of the year. all of December is a lot like Christmas to me. I know it's Christ's birthday, and that is most important of all, but all these things are my Christmas - God's additional gift of the holiday season.

really great photography. I love pictures so much. the first time I went to India, and took some really good pictures, I fell in love with photography. you see something through someone else's eyes completely. it's like reading their journal. you see a full leaf with a million water drops on it - they see one minute dew drop and the worlds within it. both pictures are amazing - reflections of each person. I want to take pictures like that; I want to add something to photography. I have a view too, and a voice, and I want people to see me, even if it's through my pictures.

music. some songs just speak to the real person hiding inside of you. whether it's something on my MP3 with amazing lyrics, or a symphony by a genius, or a great piano piece I can make my own, I think music is the language God wrote for us, to understand each other and to understand Him. all over the world, people speak to each other through music.

the Seattle Center. there's something about it that combines everything I love in one urban place where I'm myself when I'm alone. you can be alone there, but there's always people around. music is inseperable from it - a guitar, a saxophone, a harmonica. the urban sounds. percussion is provided when someone drops a few coins in a jar. the fountain, the space needle, the poetry...it's all a part of me. when you're born somewhere you just can't get all of it out of you, I guess.

I'm sure there's other things but...well you know. time for school.

what about you? what makes you smile?

I think I'm finally settling in.

school is good. it's not amazing, or overall fantastic. I could think of places I'd rather be and things I'd rather be doing. especially when it rains and I have to walk accross campus. but at the same time, it's not bad, aweful, horrible....I enjoy most of it and have a few friends and acquantances. and for the most part (discounting math), it's fun.

like how my theory teacher played the opening theme to E.T. about 20 times yesterday while discussing intervals to help us remember 5ths.
or how my history class is filled with the weirdest people I think I've ever met, and how we got to demonstrate our lack of artistic talent yesterday by drawing a Mesopotamian city-state, including religious, social and political symbolism, and early problems cities faced, as well as class distinction. all in a picture drawn with dry erase markers in four colors on an overhead slide.
and today we got to see everybody's.
my gosh, I laughed so hard in history today. it seems that half of the class are just really quirky extroverted people, who don't mind making fools of themselves. we laugh together, and we learn together too. it's a good last class to have.
plus today in math I just had a test, so I didn't even have to go to class. yay!!! and I think I did fairly well too, at least, for me in math...

yesterday I ran into Joe who used to go to my youth group and we hung out for our whole free hour together. it was so much fun - he's the randomest, funnest person ever, always smiling, likes cheap thrills (like playing with my cell phone because it slides open and has a full keyboard). I ditched study in the library (so overrated anyway) and he had his guitar - he's an awesome musician - and we just hung out in the student lounge and talked and stuff. it was a blast. I mean, I've run into lots of friends so far, but I haven't really got to hang out with them at all, just talking between classes for five or ten minutes. so I really needed that.

and tonight I'm going to Lauren's to go scrapbooking, after my match. I'm so excited!!!!!

tomorrow I'll be at this thing called MissionsFest all day, because I'm volunteering, so I won't be here...
and Sunday I have church and then I'm babysitting my neighbors all day pretty much, so I won't be on then either....
unfortunately.
but it's ok. I could most definitely use the money. I love payday...

anyway. that means I really should do my homework now. I won't be able to for pretty much the rest of the weekend. so, I gotta go do that.

yeah.



it's the first thing you see when you open your eyes,
the last thing you say as you're saying goodbye,
and something inside you is crying, driving you on...